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I'm sorry. Please forgive me!" "I'm not the one you need to ask forgiveness for," she dictated. "And sorry doesn't bring Jessie Ferns back. There are some things you must live with for the rest of your life. Like your friend, you will be punished for your crime." No," I begged softly. "Please, Your Honor...I don't want to become a little girl! I'll do better with my life, I promise. I'll treat people with respect, like I want to be treated. I'll make amends for what I did. I'll volunteer my time and money to a woman's shelter. I'll do anything you ask...just please; don't change me into a girl. I couldn't stand that...it would kill me." Like your hate killed Jessie," she said in a pointed fashion. "While your actions displease me a great deal, my judgment doesn't reflect my anger. What I'm about to do I do for good reasons, Mr. King. This isn't about punishing you. What good does it do to make an individual unhappy for the rest of their life? No, punishment should be used to improve. I'm so ashamed. My mind is flying apart. But Boots has been doing it and she's fine! I don't understand!"Then she broke down and sobbed.Bob pulled her up and into his arms, holding her against his chest. He let her cry while he thought furiously. He was pretty sure he knew what she was talking about. He'd heard it called self-abuse before, but it wasn't talked about much. In medical school, all he'd learned had been designed to help him cope with what the war would bring him. But in the evenings, there had been bull sessions, and sometimes one of the instructors had come around to sit and tell stories. One of them had told stories of helping women deal with something called female hysteria, which was said to be brought on by a number of maladies. An argument started between two teachers, one who said it was all bunk, and another who swore that the disease was real and that the treatment worked. It was, in fact, where Bob had learned that stimulation of the sexual organs increased.
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